Five Reasons for Disconnects

Introduction from Alana:

Barbara Teicher head shotToday, I’m thrilled to share some thoughts from communications great, Barbara Teicher.  Getting to know Barbara, you will immediately see that she has taken her six-foot height to levels that reach her skills and experience as a premier national speaker, author and coach. Barbara helps audiences take a lighthearted look at the reasons for the disconnects they experience in their business communications and relationships and then delivers a no nonsense approach for improving the situation.  Please give a big CLC welcome to my friend, Barbara Teicher!

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Guest Post from Barbara Teicher, CSP, ItsHowYouSayIt.com

Book CoverWhat is it about one person that can brighten a room just by walking into it, and another that would brighten the room if they turned around and walked back OUT of it? We all know both types of people, right? What is it about relationships at work that are either solid and productive, or have you dreading that meeting days before?

You may think it’s just a difference in personalities. We would rather be with people that are like ourselves. That’s partially true. To transform relationships, you first need to realize, it’s not just what you say, “It’s HOW you say it.”

So, okay. Let’s say you don’t get along superbly with everyone where you work. What can you do about it? Know that there are a few changes you may need to make. Every conversation you have with someone becomes part of their history with you.

Be aware of the Five Reasons for Disconnects in your conversations and relationships:

  • Your Approach. Do you “tell” people what to do? Do you often have a sarcastic answer when some people make comments? Do you try to control or manipulate a situation because, of course, your way IS the right way, after Do you turn up your volume when things don’t go your way? Remember, the name of the children’s game is “Follow the Leader” – not, “Follow the Person in Charge with the Title!” Which would your teams say your behavior models?
  • Nonverbals. What do they see when they talk with you, interest and acceptance or impatience and indifference? Do you look directly at them during conversations? Are you engaged in each conversation or is your mind already on to the next thing and you’re mind is wandering, you’re looking at your phone, computer or you’ve already “left the conversation?” Are your silent messages saying, “You’re important,” or “I don’t have time for this?”
  • Tone of Voice. This is What is the tone and “temperature” of your voice? You may be saying the right words but how are you saying them? Remember, “It’s HOW You Say It”®. What’s the temperature, or the emotion behind those words? Do they feel valued and accepted, even supported… or not?
  • Reaction/Response. Are you the voice of calm and reason during the storm, or are you part of the storm yourself? Do you answer in a way to build up, or tear .. even subtly is damaging. Do you explain the “why” of what’s happening or what you are suggesting, or is it simply, “Here’s what we’re going to do…”?
  • You’re Thinking Like You! We have a tendency to expect people to think like us, be interested in what we are and agree with most things we When they don’t, or they react in a way we wouldn’t, we think they’re wrong. You’re thinking like… you!

So, whether at home or at work, people keep a mental note, possibly even subconsciously, about their acceptance of you. Be sure to be aware of these disconnects that can make those notes less than positive.

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