The Wisdom of the Pause: Why Measured Responses May Beat Impulse

I’ll admit, I am a little late to the game… only recently did I discover the fabulous Julian Fellowes program, “The Gilded Age,” which airs on HBO.  During season 1, episode 6, “Heads Have Rolled for Less,” the formidable Agnes Van Rhijn (played by Christine Baranski) delivers a line that cuts through the noise of our reactive modern world: “To act on impulse is to make oneself a hostage to ridicule.” While spoken by a fictional character navigating the social minefields of 1880s New York, these words carry profound relevance for anyone prone to quick reactions in today’s heated exchanges.

As someone who identifies as a perpetual “Type A” personality, I find myself constantly battling the urge to respond immediately to challenging situations. It’s a familiar struggle—the impulse to fire back a text, defend a position before fully processing the criticism, or make decisions based on that initial surge of emotion. We live in a world that rewards speed, where delayed responses can feel like weakness and immediate reactions are often mistaken for authenticity.

The late Daniel Kahneman’s groundbreaking work, “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” provides a scientific framework for understanding this internal battle. His concept of System 1 thinking—fast, instinctive, and emotional—describes exactly how many of us navigate daily conflicts. It’s the mental mode that has us typing angry emails before we’ve fully absorbed what upset us, or making snap judgments that we later regret. System 2 thinking, by contrast, engages our slower, more deliberative processes—the mental equivalent of Agnes Van Rhijn’s measured social calculations.

The challenge for System 1 thinkers isn’t to completely suppress our instincts, but to recognize when the stakes demand a more thoughtful approach. In heated conversations, professional disagreements, or emotionally charged family dynamics, that initial pause can be the difference between resolution and escalation.

I’ve learned that the most valuable responses often come not from my first impulse, but from my second thought. When someone challenges my ideas or pushes my buttons, my System 1 response might be to defend, deflect, or attack. System 1, in fact, typically serves me well.  However, in select situations, when I force myself to pause—even for thirty seconds—I often discover a more productive path forward.

This doesn’t mean becoming passive or losing our edge. Agnes Van Rhijn herself was hardly a pushover; she simply understood that calculated responses carry more weight than reactive ones. The pause isn’t about suppression—it’s about choice. It’s the brief moment where we can ask ourselves: What do I actually want to accomplish here? What response serves my long-term interests rather than just my immediate emotions?

In our hyperconnected age, where every conversation can become public and every misstep can be screenshotted and shared, Agnes’ wisdom feels particularly urgent. The impulse that feels so right in the moment can indeed make us hostages—not just to ridicule, but to consequences we never intended.

The goal isn’t to eliminate our passionate responses, but to channel them more strategically. Sometimes that means taking the deep breath, counting to ten, or simply asking ourselves what System 2 might have to say about the situation. In those moments of pause, we often find not just better responses, but better outcomes.

Happy Networking!