Many people walk into a networking meeting thinking about what they hope to get out of it. A referral, maybe. A new client. Some advice. That mindset, while understandable, puts the cart before the horse.
My friend, Ben Conte, is someone who thinks deeply about the art of connection and who espouses a framework that flips that script entirely. It goes like this: Offer a gift, then deliver a follow-up gift. Two gifts. One conversation. And the results can be remarkable.
Here is how it works in practice.
Step 1: Be Prepared. Before you walk in the door, do your homework. Read their recent work. Look at what they have been posting about. Review their company website. Learn what they care about. This is not stalking – it is respect. And, it positions you to do something most people never do: Arrive with something to offer.
Step 2: Deliver the First Gift. Based on your research, bring something of value you anticipate they will appreciate. It does not have to be wrapped or purchased. It might be the name of a book you think will resonate with them, a connection to someone in your network they should know, an article that speaks directly to a challenge they have been navigating publicly. The gift says, “I saw you before I got here.”
Step 3: Actively Listen. This is where the magic happens. Once the conversation is flowing, pay close attention. What do they light up about? What do they mention in passing that sounds like a need? What problem are they circling? I’m talking about real listening – not “waiting for your turn to talk” listening – and it reveals something your preparation could never have anticipated.
Step 4: Offer the Follow-Up Gift. Now you know something you did not know before. And that opens the door to a second gift, one grounded not in what you anticipated but in what you actually heard. Maybe they mentioned they are struggling to find a good accountant who works with nonprofits. Maybe they are planning a trip to a city you know well. Maybe they referenced a challenge that connects directly to someone in your network. The follow-up gift says, “I heard you while I was here.”
Step 5: Tell Me More. Throughout all of this, stay curious. Ask follow-up questions. Let the conversation breathe. Genuine curiosity is, itself, a kind of gift.
The rule of two gifts works because it focuses on the other person from beginning to end. You show up prepared, you arrive generous, you listen well, and you leave them with something they did not expect. That is how relationships are built. Not in a single exchange, but in the accumulated evidence that you are paying attention.
The next time you head into a networking meeting, ask yourself: What am I bringing? And then ask it again after you have really listened.
Happy Networking!